It’s official — the Democrats are launching their 2028 campaign early, and the headliners are Vice President Kamala Harris and California Governor Gavin Newsom. Their latest performances — defending Joe Biden’s “competence” and calling him one of the most successful presidents in a century — prove that selective memory is now a political strategy. Watching these two try to rewrite history would be funny if it weren’t so painfully tone-deaf. Still, as far as auditions go, it’s pure gold for anyone who loves political comedy.
When Even Jon Stewart Looks Shocked
If you ever needed proof that Washington runs on denial, just watch Vice President Kamala Harris’ recent interview where she tried—heroically, if we’re being charitable—to defend Joe Biden’s “competence.” You could practically hear Jon Stewart’s eyebrows fly off his face as she insisted, “I believe he was fully competent to serve.” When a comedian known for defending Democrats looks like he just saw a UFO, you know we’ve entered the “let’s all pretend this didn’t happen” phase of politics. Harris’ poker face during that moment deserved an award, mostly for effort. Bless her heart—she’s still running auditions for the 2028 nomination, apparently on a script written in 2022.
Gavin Newsom, the Future of Selective Memory
Not to be outdone in the “let’s rewrite history” department, California Governor Gavin Newsom swooped in with his own performance, declaring Joe Biden “one of the most successful presidents of the last century.” That’s right—century. You could almost hear the collective gasp of Californians trying to keep the lights on. Newsom said he’d “defend that to his grave,” which, in political speak, translates roughly to: “I hope no one remembers inflation, Afghanistan, or the grocery bills.” What’s wild isn’t just that Newsom said it—it’s that he seemed genuinely proud. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little campaign manager whispered, “Smile big, Gavin—this soundbite’s going in your 2028 montage.”
The Great Rewrite Is Underway
Let’s be honest: the only people shocked by Biden’s decline are the same folks who believed “Build Back Better” was working. For years, Democrats and their media allies waved off concerns about his mental sharpness as “right-wing conspiracy theories.” Now, after endless videos of Biden wandering, mumbling, and shaking hands with invisible friends, the same crowd suddenly wants credit for “honestly defending him.” The rewrite has begun: “He was totally fine until—uh—last week. We swear.” It’s not revisionist history—it’s survival instinct. The party elites are trying to scrub their own fingerprints off the mess they made.
Kamala’s Problem: She’s the Sequel Nobody Asked For
Harris’ attempt to defend Biden isn’t just bad optics—it’s political gymnastics of Olympic proportions. Remember, she’s not just defending him out of loyalty. She’s defending him because admitting the truth would mean admitting she went along with it. It’s like watching someone insist the Titanic just needed “better PR.” She wants to look loyal, but not too loyal, because she’s still eyeing that Oval Office like a cat watching an unattended plate of tuna. Unfortunately for her, voters remember her approval ratings—somewhere between a tax audit and rush-hour traffic. If the Democratic Party really wants her to lead the next ticket, they might as well campaign on “More of the Same—Just Louder.”
Newsom’s Slimy Dance Around the Facts
Newsom, on the other hand, has mastered the art of sounding passionate while saying absolutely nothing. It’s almost poetic. When asked about Biden, he doesn’t defend the record—he defends the idea of Biden. He talks about “building on the legacy” as though that legacy isn’t sitting at 18% approval on the economy. To him, Biden’s presidency wasn’t a series of policy blunders—it was a misunderstood masterpiece, kind of like a bad art exhibit that only the elites pretend to understand. Newsom isn’t auditioning for Biden’s job. He’s auditioning for the role of “guy who looks presidential on camera while California burns behind him.”
When the Late-Night Hosts Stop Clapping
Even the usual Democrat-friendly talk show circuit seems to be running out of applause signs. When Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert start raising eyebrows, that’s the left’s version of a five-alarm fire. For years, they served as unofficial PR agents, laughing off Biden’s gaffes as “charming quirks.” Now, those same hosts are blinking hard, like, Wait, you’re still defending this? It’s the media equivalent of watching someone insist their 20-year-old car just needs “a little tune-up” while the engine’s smoking.
The Loyalty Test No One Asked For
Democrats now face a bizarre loyalty test: pretend Biden was sharp and in command, or risk getting iced out by party leadership. The irony? The same people who nudged him off the stage are now swearing he was never a problem. It’s political gaslighting at its finest. They’re not defending Biden’s record—they’re defending their own reputations. Harris and Newsom aren’t protecting him; they’re protecting the future soundbites they’ll need to explain why they didn’t see what everyone else did.
Voters Aren’t Buying It
The middle class doesn’t see a “Biden legacy.” They see higher prices, weaker paychecks, and a world that looks more chaotic than ever. When Newsom calls that “success,” you have to wonder what alternate timeline he’s living in. And Harris? She’s too busy pretending everything’s fine to notice that even her own party doesn’t seem eager for a sequel. When your own base sighs audibly at the thought of your campaign, that’s not enthusiasm—it’s exhaustion.
The 2028 Preview We Didn’t Ask For
If this is what the Democratic Party’s 2028 bench looks like—a smiling governor from the state everyone’s fleeing and a vice president who polls below “undecided”—Republicans might want to start planning the victory party early. Harris and Newsom both think they’re the future of the party. In reality, they’re the rerun of a show no one wanted renewed. Their political instincts are as off-key as Biden’s teleprompter cues, and their “defenses” sound more like audition tapes for who can sound the most disconnected from real life. The Democratic Party might call it leadership; most Americans call it cringe.
Editor’s Note: This article reflects the opinion of the author.
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